Day 7 – How your parents took it or how you think they might take it
I already covered my Mother’s reaction, since she is the first person that I came out to.
My stepmother was generally OK. She was also accepting, as accepting as one can ask from a parent with distinctly conservative political views. She has met several of my past boyfriends, and one of my current partners. She knows all of the various identities that require one to “come out.” but it’s also a very surface level knowledge. I tend not to go into a great deal of detail about most of them.
With my father it is still very much a “don’t ask don’t tell” sort of situation. I have never actually spoken the words directly to him. I still avoid discussing my relationships and things with him. But I also do not compartmentalize things on facebook, and at this point, Matt and I have been together for 8 years, it should be pretty obvious the role that he plays in my life. And I also openly write on facebook about the things that I’m doing with my other partners.
It has definitely had an impact on our relationship. A person’s relationships and their spirituality play a big role in their life. They color and shade all of the other things that you do, how you see the world. When you aren’t able to talk openly about those things, it places pretty severe restrictions on conversations. And when I already have a lot of other baggage that I haven’t dealt with from when I was growing up, there’s just not much there to build with.
And so we don’t have much of a relationship. I try to live my life as out and openly as I can. And when there are people that I can’t do that with, I’m forced to do a lot of code-switching and talking around things. I’ve been out for nearly 20 years at this point, and this détente has been going the whole time. It seems unlikely to change any time in the near future.